The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles

   - Do You Love As Good As You Look?
   - Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth' Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
   - Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
   - I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
   - I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
   - I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
   - I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
   - I Wanna Whip Your Cow
   - I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
   - I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
   - I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
   - I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
   - If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
   - If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
   - If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
   - If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
   - Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
   - May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
   - My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
   - My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field
          While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
   - Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down,
          But Baby I Can See Through You
   - Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
   - She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
   - She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
   - They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
   - Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
   - When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
   - You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
   - You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
   - You Were Only A Splinter In My Ass As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
   - Bartender, Give Me A Bottle For My Beer

The Top 20 Country Song Titles

20.Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
19.You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
18. She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft;
17. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted to, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now
16. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
15. It's Hard To Kiss the Lips at Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long
14. I Hate Every Bone in her Body but Mine
13. If I Can't Be Number One in Your Life, Then Number Two On You
12. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
11. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
10. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well
9. I Still Miss You Baby, but My Aim's Gettin' Better
8.  I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
7.  I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here
6.  My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him
5.  She Got the Ring And I Got The Finger
4.  You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
3.  Her Teeth Was Stained, but Her Heart Was Pure
2.  She's Looking Better After Every Beer

And the Number #1 country song is. . . .

1.  I Ain't Never Gone To Bed with Ugly Women, but I've Sure Woke Up With A Few